There’s a moment I see all the time. You’re on a date. Or you’re about to kiss someone. Or things are starting to move in a direction that is supposed to feel exciting. And instead of feeling turned on, you feel… A little tight. A little floaty. A little too aware of everything. Your brain is tracking. Your body is buffering. And somewhere in there, you’re wondering: “Why is this not working for me?” Let me offer something that might change everything: It’s not that you’re ba

What if the hottest thing you could do in dating wasn’t reading the room… but actually saying what you want once you’re in it? There’s this pressure in dating — especially if you’re neurodivergent — to get it right without being told the rules. Pick up on cues. Read between the lines. Don’t ask too many questions. Definitely don’t make it awkward. And somehow, that’s supposed to be chemistry. I don’t buy it. Because what gets called “social cognition” is often just guessing —

What if your desire isn’t the problem? What if the real issue is how hard you’ve been working to hide it? There’s this quiet pressure in dating — especially if you’ve ever felt “too much,” “too sensitive,” or “too intense.” Be chill. Don’t overtext. Don’t want too much too soon. Don’t scare them off. And if you’re neurodivergent, this can turn into a full-on performance. You study timing. You edit your reactions. You translate your instincts into something more… palatable. Yo

When people talk about sex, they usually talk about chemistry. Spark. Attraction. Heat. But underneath all of that, something quieter is doing the real work. Regulation. Not as a self-help goal. Not as something you have to “achieve” before intimacy becomes possible. Regulation as the infrastructure that makes erotic connection possible in the first place. For many neurodivergent people, this is obvious from lived experience. If the lights are too bright, the room is too loud

Every once in a while I read a book that makes me think about relationships in a completely different way. Right now that book is The Marriage Portrait by Maggie O’Farrell. It’s historical fiction set in Renaissance Italy, and it follows a young duchess named Lucrezia who is married off as a teenager into a powerful ruling family. The book is lush and atmospheric — but what keeps pulling me in is the portrait of a young woman trying to understand the emotional world she has b

What I’m Reading Reflections on relationship, nervous systems, and staying connected when things get hard. I’m currently reading Raising Kids With Big, Baffling Behaviors by Robyn Gobbel, and it’s been shaping how I think about nervous systems, relationship, and behavior, especially through a neurodivergent lens. So many of the behaviors adults find “baffling,” including meltdowns, shutdowns, refusal, rigidity, and big emotions, are common expressions of neurodivergent nervou

How to Get Close Without Losing Yourself What if love could feel like a warm blanket, not a tightrope? If you’re neurodivergent—sensory...

I’ve been reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. And let me tell you — this book is juicy. Not in a dramatic,...

Sometimes, intimacy feels like two people dancing to completely different beats. One person is slow and soft, feeling every moment. The...

Unmasking is a raw, intimate experience—one that can be exhilarating, terrifying, and everything in between. For neurodivergent people,...

You know when you find something really good—like the perfect late-night snack combo or a TV show that completely takes over your...

It may seem basic, but being able to name what we’re feeling—really name it—is one of the most powerful skills we can bring to our...

Social cognition is more than just reading the room—it’s reading them. The way their breath catches when you step closer. The way their...

Welcome, curious minds and pleasure-seekers! If you’re wondering what actually happens in a Somatica coaching session, let me paint you a...

If you had told me a few years ago that I’d become a sex and relationship coach, I might have laughed. Not because I didn’t care deeply...

Welcome to My Relationship Lab—Where Play Meets Depth Ever wish dating, love, and intimacy came with a user manual—one that actually...