It May Seem Basic, But… Expanding Your Feelings Vocabulary Will Transform Your Relationships

It may seem basic, but being able to name what we’re feeling—really name it—is one of the most powerful skills we can bring to our relationships. When we don’t have the words for what’s happening inside us, it’s easy to feel misunderstood, disconnected, or stuck in the same frustrating conversations. But when we do? That’s when relationships start to feel easier, deeper, and more fulfilling.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. Maybe you grew up with “mad, sad, glad” as your only emotional options. Maybe feelings hit you so fast and hard that by the time you process them, the moment’s already passed. If you’re neurodivergent, maybe your brain goes totally blank when someone asks, “How do you feel about that?”—or maybe emotions come in strong but slippery waves, hard to pin down in words.

No matter the reason, if finding the right words for your emotions sometimes feels impossible, you’re not alone.

Luke looking at you wearing a grey cable-knit sweater. Wavy blond hair sits on her shoulders. Closed mouth smile with white and gold glasses.

Why Naming Feelings Matters

Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart reminds us that “language is our portal to meaning-making, connection, healing, and self-awareness.” But it’s not just about self-awareness—it’s about relationships.

In Somatica, we talk a lot about emotional attunement—the ability to feel into and respond to another person’s experience. But attunement doesn’t mean reading minds or picking up on subtle, unspoken cues. It means naming what’s happening inside of us clearly enough that others can actually respond. When someone says, “I don’t know, I’m just stressed,” their partner is left guessing. But if they say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and craving comfort. Can we cuddle for a minute?”—that creates connection.

From an NVC perspective, naming emotions also helps us shift from blame to understanding. Instead of, “You never listen to me!” we might say, “I feel unheard and lonely when I don’t sense engagement in our conversations.” That difference? It’s what turns conflict into a moment of deeper connection.

How to Build a Stronger Feelings Vocabulary

Want to get better at naming your emotions? Try these neurodivergent-friendly approaches:

        1.      Upgrade your emotional labels. Instead of just saying “I’m stressed,” pause and ask yourself—Am I overwhelmed? Frustrated? Overstimulated? Burnt out? The more precise you are, the easier it is to understand your own needs and communicate them.

        2.      Use alternative ways to track emotions. If words don’t always come easily, try using a color scale, a body sensation map, a weather metaphor, or even emojis to express emotions. Saying “I feel like a shaken-up soda can” might be easier than “I’m anxious.”

        3.      Practice requests instead of accusations. Instead of “You never pay attention to me,” try, “I feel disconnected and would love some time where it’s just us—no phones, no distractions.” This makes it easier for the other person to understand and respond with care.

        4.      Explore nonverbal emotional expression. Not everyone processes emotions verbally. Some people find that movement, music, art, or even sending a meme that captures their mood helps them express themselves more clearly.

        5.      Get curious about how your partner expresses emotions. Some people need time to process, some need multiple-choice-style options (“Are you feeling discouraged? Hopeful? Frustrated?”), and some might prefer to text their feelings rather than say them out loud. Learning each other’s communication style makes emotional connection smoother.

The more we practice naming feelings—in whatever way works best for us—the more connected and emotionally mature we become. And when we bring that clarity into our relationships, everything gets a little easier.

So, what are you feeling right now?