The Vulnerability of Unmasking

Unmasking is a raw, intimate experience—one that can be exhilarating, terrifying, and everything in between. For neurodivergent people, the mask isn’t just a performance; it’s a carefully constructed shield. It keeps us safe in a world that often misunderstands us. It helps us blend in, avoid conflict, and, sometimes, even survive. But what happens when we let it slip—or take it off entirely?

White mask is held up in front of a lit background.

The Fear of Being Seen

There’s a seductive kind of safety in masking. When we mimic neurotypical social norms, we gain access to spaces that might otherwise reject us. We avoid the exhausting questions, the skepticism, the well-meaning but misguided advice. “Just try harder.” “Everyone feels that way sometimes.” “You don’t look neurodivergent.”

The moment we unmask, we risk judgment. We risk being told we’re too much, too intense, too quiet, too blunt. We risk losing relationships we thought were solid. And that’s the most vulnerable part—what if they don’t like the real me? What if they only liked the version of me that was performing?

Brené Brown, the queen of vulnerability research, reminds us that vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s courage. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity,” she says. It’s the price of admission for deep, meaningful connection. But stepping into that vulnerability—especially for those of us who’ve spent a lifetime perfecting our masks—can feel like standing naked in a storm.

The Power of Letting Go

And yet, unmasking is also a liberation. It’s a reclamation of self. When we stop performing, we allow ourselves to be truly known. We get to move through the world in a way that aligns with our needs, our rhythms, our desires. We find relationships that hold space for us, that don’t require us to shrink or contort ourselves.

In Somatica coaching, we talk about core desires—what we deeply crave in connection. One of the most powerful gifts of unmasking is discovering who sees you and adores you as you are. No adjustments, no translations, no disguises. Just you.

As Brené Brown puts it, “You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” Unmasking is choosing to own our story, to stop hustling for approval, and to stand fully in our truth.

Navigating the Risks

Unmasking doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing leap. It can be a gradual unfolding, a careful choosing of when and where to show up fully. It can start in the safest places—alone, with a trusted friend, with a coach who gets it.

It also helps to have tools. The Neurodivergent Resiliency Basket—which I’ll write more about soon—is one way to build support for the overwhelm that can come with unmasking. Sensory-friendly spaces, communication agreements, and strategies for self-regulation all help make the process gentler.

Unmasking in Dating and Relationships

Dating while masked can feel like playing a role, waiting for the moment someone inevitably notices the seams in your performance. Unmasking in relationships is a gamble, but it’s also the only way to find the kind of intimacy that feels real. The key is pacing. Offering small glimpses. Watching how they respond.

In Somatica, we work experientially. That means feeling our way through these interactions, testing what feels good, what feels safe, and what feels terrifying but worth it. When you find someone who welcomes your unmasked self with curiosity and care? That’s where the magic happens.

A Love Letter to the Unmasked You

To the one who is tired of pretending: You are not too much. You are not broken. You are not unlovable.

Your quirks, your rhythms, your way of moving through the world—these are not things to hide. They are things to share with those who are capable of holding them.

And if unmasking still feels terrifying? That’s okay. You get to choose when, where, and with whom you take that risk. But know this: there is a kind of love that exists beyond the mask. A love that meets you exactly where you are.

And you deserve it.